Is Your Waterbed The Dead Sea?

dead sea bed

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. —Romans 8:38-39

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Reality Check

In some marriages their water-beds have sadly become stagnate like the “Dead Sea”. In others, not only has their water-bed decayed into the “Dead Sea”, but it has been parted or divided down the middle. Night after night they sleep on the same bed, but they are really separate. The bed is full, but they’re really alone. Some husbands/wives can have learned the art of balancing themselves on the outermost hem of the mattress without falling off. Tragically the passion has waned.

The fire has just about extinguished. Anger, bitterness, resentment, offenses and un-forgiveness has transformed something beautiful that God has intended to be as close to heaven on earth as can be, to being something that is as close to hell on earth as could possibly be. The marriage bed was never intended to be a cold grave where the corpse of two dead bodies lay.

Now to some this may hit home, to others it may seem tasteless, inappropriate or uncomfortable to speak about. But marriage and sex is God’s idea not mine. After God finished creating all, including sex and marriage; He proudly said—“It is all good!” If God believes marriage and sex is good, then we need to give it our undivided attention as well.

Marital problems do exist, there is no denying it. You can choose to behave like the ostrich and stick your head in the sand trying to ignore the reality hoping it will all just disappear, but ignorance is not bliss; you’re just choosing to dismiss all that’s amiss. Out of sight is not out of mind, you’re just choosing to intentionally be blind. So now that we have cleared that up I hope, if you’re still interested and are ready to grow and mature, I invite you to continue.

Mosaic Law Marriage

I will make four comparisons and refer to the marriage of: 1) Mosaic-Law 2) Grace marriage and 3) Unconditional Love. I believe an understanding of these three will help renew and restore the fainting flicker of your passion. I mentioned earlier that there are some “marriage waterbeds” that are not only stagnate like the “Dead-Sea”, but also have been parted and divided down the middle like Moses did to the “Red-Sea” during the Israelite’s mass-Exodus. This is where the husband and the wife turn their backs towards each other and sleep as far away as they possibly can go away from one another.

I will lump these two together and call this scenario, the marriage bed that is still living under the “Law of Moses” or the “Mosaic-Law”. In this marriage the law of the land is still: “…An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth…”. “You will pay for what you did with you life”. “I will have no mercy on you, but will bring down upon you my full and complete wrath”. “I will bring each and every one of Egypt’s plagues multiplied upon you my dear husband/wife; you just don’t know who you’re messing with”!

Simply put, it is a marriage that is still stuck living under the “Mosaic-Law” or a “Pre-Christ”, “Pre-Grace” dispensation. Both the husband and the wife may be fulfilling their duties and responsibilities but it is an immense burden and an aggravating chore. “The law of the letter has killed, instead of the Spirit giving life”. I do not intend to dive deep into this topic, but just briefly touch on these two observations that I know will be of great benefit to us all.

Grace Marriage

So then, the second comparison I would like to suggest is a “Grace-Marriage” in which every marriage abandons the “Mosaic law” which offers no forgiveness of wrongs except through the shedding of blood, (preferably through the excruciating suffering and indescribable pain of your spouse) and learns to give and receive grace through the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus.

Again to reiterate, our marriage must receive the law of the Spirit alive in Christ Jesus through grace. In other words, forgiveness must be extended through grace. We must learn that forgiveness is for the undeserved and it can never be earned or returned. The very reason why our marriage is failing is because we refuse to give grace when we have been given grace by Christ so many times. We rather harbor and embrace anger instead of releasing it and heeding God’s command to “not let the sun go down on our anger”. Unfortunately we desire for fire from heaven to vanquish our spouse. Some of us live with, “Vengeance is mine, says I” instead of “Vengeance is Mine says the Lord”.

This means that we reconcile and makes things right between us before the day ends, there’s no excuse.  Can you imagine always extending grace to your spouse for the sole reason that you desire to experience the kind of marriage that God has intended for it to be? If you have experienced the forgiveness and love of God when you knew full well you didn’t deserve it, then you know exactly what I mean.

Self Reflection

To give forgiveness when it feels like the other person has already taken everything you have to give is not an easy thing to do. So I do not make this suggestion lightly or in ignorance. I have been married for 15 years, so I am well aware of the “Dead-Sea”, or the parting of the “Red Sea” phenomena occurring live right in my bedroom. But we’ve made up our minds to live by grace, no we are not by any stretch of the imagination perfect; we are still both maturing and so we offer our wisdom to you. So then if we are all honest, I believe we will all confess that “fall-outs” do happen and we need to know how to get-back-up-once-again. I do not claim this is a “silver-bullet” or the end of all problems that may arise; I am just arming you with the weapon of forgiveness through grace, or God’s ability to do what you cannot do for yourself.

Now is the moment of truth. I ask you to make a life-altering decision. Decide whether you will continue to live in “eye for an eye” revenge mode, or extend forgiveness through grace. I believe you would agree with me when I say, “That it is always better to be reconciled than to be right”. Don’t throw away your marriage because of unwillingness to change, try or pride. Humble yourself before the Lord and each other. Be first, be the stronger one of the two to give and ask for forgiveness.

Unconditional Love

Finally this is the third and perhaps the greatest truth that I discovered in this analogy of marriage that we are using today, “Unconditional Love”. When Christ was offered once and for all as the propitiation for us all, through His forgiveness which we also receive by grace—we were restored back to a loving relationship with God. We were long-time enemies, but now we have become beloved friends and family. We are no longer under the curse of the law of sin and death, but we are alive in Christ Jesus! Men and Women, if we abandon the mind-set of a “Mosaic-Law” type of marriage and understand that marriage is to be lived in and through grace, we will be able to say to each other; “What then can separate us from our love, can death, despair, persecution…” you can add you own two-cents there—you get the idea.

Unconditional love accepts us just as we are, not because of our merits, what we’ve done or not done, but because we have chosen to love for a life-time regardless and even if our love is not returned. In a hostile or hurt environment, someone must have the courage to make and take the first step towards not only extending grace, but also to unconditionally love as Christ loved and laid down His life for us.


Starting today you can declare not only that nothing absolutely nothing can or will separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus, but also that absolutely nothing can or will ever separate you from the love you have for one another as  a covenant before God, Christ Jesus, Holy Spirit and a cloud of witnesses when you both said; “Till death do us part” on your wedding day. Today your stagnate “Dead-Sea” waterbed is one decision away from quickly once and for all becoming a marriage bed that springs forth an abundant source of “Living-Waters”! You can experience a crashing of coming together as when the waters of the parted divided Red-Sea” once again joined as one. Choose mighty Men and Women to daily forgive as Christ has forgiven you. Live by His grace!

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