Keys To Cultivating Our Children- Key #4

Key #4 Don’t allow anger in -Ephesians 4:26-27, 32


“26In your anger do not sin. Do not allow the sun to go down while you are still angry 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.”


Get rid of it.

Anger invites grudges, separation, and divorce and also invites the devil to camp out in our homes for as long as we continue to allow anger to rule. When it comes to parenting, we must be very aware of our motives. We must never strike out or lash out in anger.

The main difference between Punishment and correction is the heart motive or attitude. When we take an action in anger, to get back at our kids it is punishment. Punishment is not healthy for either the parent or the child. Punishment is not the Scriptural way to deal with our children. Anger will cause permanent hurt to our kids emotionally, psychologically or physically.

The Biblical method is correction or discipline. This method is never done in anger and its only motive is love. Love will teach the child why it is important not to behave in certain ways. Correction can spank a child in love and not be abusive as anger would do. Anger can be an unruly emotion that we must learn to control and use for good at the right time, in the right way.

So as a parent we must get rid of anger. Anger must not rule or govern over our lives. Anger must not be the leader. Anger must not be the moderator of the parent and child relationship. When those times occur that we have reached our boiling point and can only see red, then that is precisely not the time to correct or address your child. The odds are that in anger we will behave or say something that we will end up regretting later.

We want to cultivate an environment of love and forgiveness as opposed to anger, fear, stress, tension or anxiety. That environment is a non-productive one and is exactly the atmosphere that has the potential of causing a great fall-out between parents and their children. If everything we as parents do is in anger, then our children will not trust us with anything. Anger will push our children away, it’s that simple. Love and forgiveness will produce the necessary surroundings for a healthy parent/child relationship to flourish.

Defeating anger

“32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Forgiveness can be defined as:  “Giving up my right to strike back at you when you hurt me.” It’s simply a letting go.

We need to forgive in advance knowing that our children or spouse for that matter are going to miss it somehow, somewhere and in some way. Hence the word “forgive”: to give it before it occurs. We need to constantly saturate our relationship with each other with forgiveness. The best part of forgiveness is, the God kind of forgiveness because it removes the sting and hurt of what was done. Harboring anger or an offense towards our kids will only lead to a great abyss between us and our family.

We must realize that we are going to get angry at times, but we must not let it go further than an instant. We are commanded to forgive, to let it go and to dismiss it. It does not mean that the behavior or attitudes displayed will escape the consequences deserved, but it does mean that anger does not control us as parents. We need to learn that not everything is so serious. As parents we tend to make mountains out of every sock left on the floor. Anger is defeated when we walk in love and forgiveness. There’s just no room for anger in the slightest way when we choose to live in love and forgiveness. Learn to walk in forgiveness and to cut each other some much-needed slack. You’re family will thank and love you for it immeasurably.


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