Rhythymical Syllable Salsa Spanking

What is this new age guru parenting 101 psychology “mumbo-jumbo” that is being hailed as the most loving practice for disciplining insolent, disrespectful, tantrum throwing children in the psychological world? Have you heard about it? It’s called “time-out” or “quiet-time” or “alone-time”. Huh? This popular proposition or method is adamantly against the spanking of a child in any shape or form, regardless of the reason.

The same people who are pushing this agenda are brainwashing popular opinion by advocating that “spanking” a child is inhuman, unacceptable and is in fact child-abuse. So no matter what “crime” your sweet rebellious child does that deserves the “death-penalty”, you simply threaten them with what is the scariest but yet safest methodology for the holistic development of a child; you guessed it: “time-out” thing.

The worst of this punishment consists in you the parent placing the child alone in some corner in order to give them enough time to “think about what they have done” and within this time-frame receive a eureka revelatory moment in which they are enlightened of their wrong behaviors, repent and forever are permanently changed and rehabilitated. In reality, this “time-out” nonsense is nothing more than a useless activity if it is the one and only form of discipline that is used. The most productive results we can expect from a child subject to this form of correction if it is the only one used is that they will have enough time to strategically master-mind another evil plot to torture you, make your life as a parent even more miserable than it already is; or maybe even assassinate you. I wonder what childless psychology genius came up with this “brain-fart” of a dare I say; “idea”?

I must say this about this “time-out” ideology, it is nothing new. My parents used this same method of discipline with me when I was a child except it had a more permanent side effect to it. When I did something wrong, they gave me some “time-out” except like I just mentioned, it was a little bit different, perhaps a lot more different.

My “time-out” was the time I spent unconscious face down on the floor after being knocked into next week. My “quiet-times” were when they had put my “lights-out” because they had knocked me out. “Alone-time” was the time I spent alone in the bathroom recovering from my comatose state after my Dad had dragged me there to “think about what I had done”. That way when I woke up, if I was nauseous, needed the first-aid kit, had to wash up after peeing myself or clean the blood off of my face; I would be in the right place at the right time. My parents like most old-school parents were very efficient with their limited resources if nothing else. The bathroom solved all and every need that may have arisen after my “quiet-time religious and very spiritual” experience had passed and I came back down to earth. Hey don’t feel sad for me, I turned out just fine right—or did I? 🙂

I just want to add a minor detail that may or may not have any bearing on this information I am so openly providing. I am Hispanic. I was obviously raised of course by Spanish speaking parents. Why is this important? I’m glad you asked, let me then explain my dilemma. This is critical to understanding my childhood because when my Hispanic parents grew angry, they picked up the very first and nearest thing they could grab a hold of and whacked me with it.

Now if it was just a whack, I would’ve been grateful, but Spanish-speaking parents will spank their children rhythmically with each syllable spoken which they intentionally stretch out to the beat and rhythm of salsa, merengue, bachata and then bolero once they began to get tired from all the whacking.

But like I said before, I turned out just fine. Except for the ticks, nightmares, paranoia and split personality I suffer from—but I’ve been assured by the Spanish-speaking judge on “Caso Serrado” that this is perfectly normal and acceptable within the Latin guidebook of “How to raise your kids”. Furthermore there is absolutely no legal grounds for criminal charges or a lawsuit against my parents for child-abuse. So my case was dismissed and I was taken into a backroom where my parents were waiting with the “correa” and that year’s hottest salsa music.

I can’t help but wonder, is this syllable salsa rhythmic spanking a conspiracy just among Hispanic parents? But if you had parents from the “old guard” who graduated from the “old school” they were exactly like mine and you were taught manners, respect and honor in the very same way. Oh well, I hope I have provided helpful information on this very tough issue of “Hoe to discipline your child” as well as cleared up any misunderstandings you may have had on the “do’s” and “Don’ts” regarding parenting and how to discipline your child next time they become disrespectful, rebellious or disobedient.

***This information is just meant as a humorous story, it does not depict (or maybe in some instance LOL) an account of my childhood. But it does beg the question “How do I correctly discipline my child so that they turn out to be productive citizens of society who love and care for others instead of selfish spoiled criminals”? While we will tackle that and many other issues, I pray that you may have let out a laugh, smirk or smile in response to this story. In no way was my childhood a perfect one, but I am who I am today because of the parents I had in my yesterdays. I will never be able to repay their unconditional “tough love” towards me. Thank you Dad and Mom! Just saying before it gets all twisted. Enjoy…Laugh…Life is Beautiful!


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